5 Simple Steps for Stress-Free Family Dinner Routine
Do you want to sit down with your family around the dinner table on a regular basis but it’s just not happening? It’s time to create a system for that!
I see every repeated task or system in my house in cycles. All tasks seem to have a starting, middle, and ending point. But the cycle or the steps required for each task isn’t always clear and obvious which can result in your skipping steps, cutting corners, or not finishing the tasks altogether.
Often times this is why clutter builds up in your house, cleaning goes undone, and projects get started but never finished. Typically when you work through tasks, you’re only relying on subconscious actions, actions that happen without much effort or thought, instead of consciously thinking through all the steps that are required to fully complete a task.
Subconsciously completing tasks, which we can also define as habits, is the ultimate goal; however, if you want to make changes, you must tap into the conscious 10% of your mind in order to use logic and reason to problem-solve what’s not working in your home and create new routines.
Today we will use conscious thinking to create a family dinner system. To do this well and experience success and consistency so that this routine becomes an established habit, we will work through the system as a cycle: starting, middle, and ending points.
To identify the different cycle phases of the routine, think about the very first step that needs to occur to get dinner in front of your family at the dinner table. Your steps may look a little different than mine but it’s a great starting point for you to reference.
Fom start to finish, our family dinner cycle follows these steps:
- Deciding
- Preparing
- Cooking
- Eating
- Cleaning
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Now that we know the cycle of the system, let’s dive deeper into each step and create some systems within the family dinner system.
1. Decide What to Make for Dinner
This is already done for you because you have taken the time to plan your meals for the week. Hopefully, you have taken the time to download my Meal Planning Workbook, create a master list of meals, begin using a meal planning chart, and shop for groceries from your plan. If not, you are missing out on the ease of what you could experience during daily family meals.
Planning your meals for the week has a significant impact on simplifying your life when it comes to deciding what to cook each day. By having a set meal plan, you eliminate the daily stress and guesswork that comes with trying to figure out what to make for dinner. This frees up valuable time and mental energy, allowing you to focus on other important aspects of your life.
2. Prepare Ahead of Time for What You’re Going to Cook
Preparing ahead of time for what you’re going to cook for dinner is crucial for a stress-free family dinner experience. This might mean pulling meat out of the freezer to thaw. It also encompasses knowing when to start cooking, and in order to know that, you need to know what time you want your family to eat dinner and how long it will take to cook. This is called reverse engineering your routine by starting with the end in mind.
Reverse engineering your dinner routine ensures that your meals are cooked without much hassle and served at the ideal time. To achieve this, begin by determining your desired mealtime. This should be a consistent time when all family members can gather and enjoy dinner together.
Next, consider the cooking time for each dish you’ve planned. Be sure to account for any additional preparation time, such as preheating your oven or boiling water. Add these times together to calculate the total time needed to prepare your meal.
Once you’ve determined the total preparation and cooking time, work backward from your desired mealtime. For example, if you want to serve dinner at 6:30 pm and your meal takes 1 hour to prepare and cook, you should start prepping at 5:30 pm. This ensures you stay on track and avoid any last-minute rush.
Don’t forget to factor in time for defrosting or marinating ingredients, if needed. This may require you to start your prep work earlier in the day or even the night before.
3. Cook Dinner without Making a Big Mess
Cooking dinner is the heart of your family dinner routine. To streamline this step and keep yourself from getting overwhelmed by a big mess that needs to be cleaned up afterward, it is wise to clean up and reset the kitchen as you cook.
Also, make a conscious effort to use utensils and tools for multiple purposes, so you’re not dirtying up extra dishes that you have to wash later. A great way to prevent yourself from using too many kitchen gadgets and tools is by downsizing how many you have or have access to. Setting up your environment so you can effortlessly flow throughout your kitchen will also decrease your stress. It’s hard to work in a kitchen that is cluttered or that doesn’t function well.
Adopting a “clean as you go” mindset is essential for reducing stress and maintaining an efficient cooking process. This means wiping down surfaces, rinsing utensils, and placing used dishes in the dishwasher as you prepare your meal. By keeping your workspace tidy, you’ll be better equipped to focus on cooking and avoid feeling overwhelmed by the cleanup.
Minimizing the number of utensils and tools you use during cooking not only reduces clutter but also simplifies the cleaning process. Opt for versatile items that can serve multiple purposes, such as a pair of tongs that can be used for flipping, stirring, and serving.
Organize your kitchen in a way that promotes smooth workflow. Ensure frequently used items are easily accessible and stored near their point of use. This will prevent unnecessary movement and help you maintain your focus while cooking.
4. Eat Dinner with Your Kids Modeling Good Table Manners
Finally, all this prep work has led to this step: eating dinner together. As a mom, I am fully aware of how stressful just sitting around the dinner table can be especially if you have crying babies, busy toddlers, unfocused kids, or crabby teenagers. I’ve learned that a consistent routine is what provides the most stress-free family dinner time. It’s impossible to train your kids to sit at the dinner table for 20-30 minutes if the routine rarely happens. And I get it, you don’t want to do it if it’s stressful and so you’ve been giving up. But with any routine or habit you want to establish, it takes time, consistency, and determination to push through the struggle in order to reap the rewards.
Trust me, I know! My husband and I had to train our youngest how to sit through service at our new church when he had been going to the nursery his entire life at our old church. It took years for him to finally be ab;e to sit through it without driving us bonkers. I felt like giving up and just leaving the service every Sunday, but I stuck it out and now he’s able to sit, listen and stay quiet throughout the entire 45-minute church service.
You have to get creative with little kids at the table. Don’t be afraid to let your baby or toddler whine in a highchair. You are the parent and you get to decide what’s best for your child and how he should sit at the table. This is a skill children can learn so don’t always feel like you have to give in.
When our children started sitting in big chairs, I would light a candle in the middle of the table for dinner and told them that whoever I thought had the best table manners, used his fork correctly, spoke with a kind voice, ate a good bit of his food and cleaned up after himself that he would get to blow out the candle after dinner. I made a big deal about the honor to blow out the candle and it worked for my young kids for years.
As the kids have gotten older, their table manners have matured, and I don’t have to use as many incentives. We’re able to sit and talk as a family and if we’ve had a stress-free dinner time then we will play a quick card game afterward like “BS” or “War.”
I’m going to address the use of phones and technology at the dinner table because I know it’s something we all struggle with in our modern world. First of all, everyone’s family values differ from home to home. I witness families in public restaurants sitting around the table with devices, which seems to work perfectly for their family goals. My husband and I have decided that devices won’t be used at the dinner table since it’s the only time our family is altogether all in one spot. That goes for parents as well.
It’s our desire to model to our children how we want them to sit at the dinner table, participate in meaningful conversation and be aware of what needs to be cleaned up afterward. If you’ve been letting your kids have devices at the table and you want to change that habit, it is NEVER TOO LATE. You are their parent and you get to decide what is best for the children God has trusted you to raise. Push through any objections with a steadfast resolve. The whining will eventually cease and your children will learn how to sit at the table and display pleasant behavior without a device in front of their face.
Also, something I have noticed, calm parents typically have calm children. I say typically because of course this is not guaranteed or 100% of the time. But usually, when I’m feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, or stressed out, my kids are grumpy and don’t behave very well. I’ve been trying to display a more calm behavior. One of my dear coaching clients calls it “beautiful behavior.”
So if dinner time has been a stressful time for you, ease into it more slowly and from a peaceful mindset. Be slower to anger and listen more than you talk. If your kids are moving fast around the kitchen, start moving slower, talk slower and lower, and give clear directions so they know exactly what you expect from them.
5. Clean Up After Dinner as a Family
If you took the time to clean up as you cooked after dinner clean up should be a breeze. Also, I hope you’ve been putting to practice the dishwashing system I taught you last week because it’s going to come in handy.
In our home, we don’t allow anyone to leave the table until everyone is finished eating. They don’t have to eat everything on their plates but they have to sit and be pleasant at the table. This keeps our kids from running off without cleaning up after themselves.
Once everyone is finished eating and we’re all ready to clean up, I expect everyone to wash, dry and put away their dishes right then. If you’re using a dishwasher for your dishwashing system then you may request that your kids rinse their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. It’s important to model what you expect from them and walk them through each step several times before expecting them to achieve this on their own.
As they are washing their dishes, I will delegate different clean-up or kitchen reset tasks to everyone. One person is asked to remove and return everything from the table and counters, one person is asked to wipe off the table and counters, and one person is asked to sweep the dining room and kitchen. This makes cleaning the kitchen after dinner go so much faster making it easier on me and my husband.
The last “rule” we have for after dinner is that no one leaves the kitchen until the last person leaves the kitchen. This simple requirement ensures that no one is stuck in the kitchen cleaning up while everyone else gets to relax. If you think your family may object to this, I provided you with a couple of phrases to help you know what to say to your kids or spouse to get their help around the house.
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I’d love to hear from you!
What has or hasn’t been working for your family dinner routine? What is your biggest struggle right now?
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